Huntresses Moon

October 1, 2020
This is a bad photo. I wasn't thinking about the background and the subject is blurry. But you know what? I still like it. I'm getting more comfortable with taking pictures of myself and seeing myself in others photos. When I see this image, I feel beautiful energy. Self love and confidence. Tremendous growth.

For last's night full moon ritual, I made some Sovereignty Oil, Hekate guided.  It is made up of olive oil, jasmine, mugwort, rose quartz, cat's claw, st. john's wort, and myrrh. Charged beneath a full moon, by me and Hekate.I used the oil to anoint a candle, my heart, and my sigil.

I chose Apothic Dark for my wine offering for the Vulvophoria, which means giving our Agathos Daimon the first drink.  

Then I switched out the penis from the phallophoria for this Birthing/Harvest Goddess.  I cleaned and anointed them with the red wine and poured the rest of the cup outside.

The skeleton represent Dionysus, since He has bee sacrifice for the harvest, has gone down to the Underworld, with His Beloved Ariadne, who is one of one of the goddesses represented by the Blood Goddess statue.

For the Sovereignty Rite, Hekate and I charged the oil and the sigil.  I anointed the sigil with the oil.  Eyes closed I declare my intention to Hekate and she draw a symbol into my forehead with her own oil, then kissed it, filling me with energy.  

I opened my eyes and drew from my womanrunes.

I declared once again, "I AM POWERFUL.  I RECLAIM, OWN, AND WELD MY POWER WITH STRENGTH, HUMILITY, AND COMPASSION."

Ritual ended.

Today, I feel like a new person.  I feel really good and I've been singing, like, everything.  From my kid's math problems to telling them to do their chores.  Just singing because why not?

A card pull from Kat Shaw's wonderful Affirmatio Deck:

Let's Keep It Going!

Hurting my back last fall stopped my hard workouts, and I also got a little depressed and stopped being as strict with my diet. In January, I was 333lbs. Quite a big increase from 271lbs.

After that, my diet wasn't as loose, nor as strict. I was doing back-friendly stretches nearly everyday, then back-friendly yoga and exercises. Still belly dancing. Still weight lifting. 60-90 squats 4-6 times a week. Walking a few times a week. Building up my endurance again through biking, too.

Today I'm at 311lbs. 22lbs down! Going to get back on my strict diet and increase my workout bit-by-bit. Let's keep it going! Gonna keep burning those 62 lbs and then some.

Fear and Push

I realized a bit ago, that hurting my back in the fall made me afraid to go HAM with my workouts.  Healing has been a long journey, and I do have to be careful.  I stopped doing yoga as often, I stopped jogging, I stopped lifting as much, I stopped dancing as much, and I also stopped counting carbs, because why not?  I was afraid.

Them muscle spasms suck and my medication for it sucked too.  I stopped taking the meds because they weren't doing anything.  My insurance only covers so much for the entire family, so I decided to save it for my kids, and figure out other things.  Even though I really wanted to go to a chiropractor or try a Reiki healer.  I didn't have the insurance or money.

After the beginning of the year, I got a little braver.  I was doing some light yoga and light dancing.  At some point at had a day of mini spasms, and got depressed.  Covid hits and I got serious about my health again.  Refusing to give up, finding other ways to work with my back and heart.  60-90 squats 4-6 times a week.  Calf raises here, weigh lifting here, some belly dancing thrown in all over the place.  Stretching almost every day.  Walking with the family whenever the weather was favorable.  We got bikes and rode around the neighborhood, searching for family friendly bike trails that didn't involve going on the main roads (which hasn't been easy to find, except in rich areas).  I've looked at the apps.

We got stricter about not eating out (Hermes gave it to us straight, pretty much).

I'm in week three of working on my posture, and have been doing yoga postures to help with that.  

I'm slowly getting back on track with low carb, gluten free, less processed foods.  I tried Pescatarian (however it's spelled) and immediately failed it, plus I was concerned about fish populations.  There are fish farms but most places want wild caught, which isn't good for the ecosystem.  I'm fine and prefer ethically farmed fish/seafood.  Anyway...

My back pain is partially connected to my weight.  All the more to balance the work outs with the diet, because I can't do one or the other, it has to be both.

Lately, I've been getting tougher on what my kids are snacking on.  If they're hungry, there's carrots, apples, or bananas to eat.

Yesterday, hubby had a physical for a new job: he's nearly 400lbs, has high blood pressure, and possibly sleep apnea (which I can give a hard yes on that one).  He has another doctor's appoint on Monday about all that.  Which I'm kind of happy about--not his bad health--but that we'll be buying less junk and more healthy foods.  Sometimes he goes HAM on junk food, and I don't buy what I need because of the price.  Despite what some folks say, to eat fresh and healthy costs more.  I've been pricing and paying attention, maybe it's different in some areas of the country/world.

Anyway I know it's going to be a fight, because we're both lazy and stubborn.  His mom just had a heart attack last month.  She doesn't take care of herself, you know.  My husband works out here and there.  He eats okay.  I think that was a wake up call for him, too.  I am definitely going to have to be the mean wife once in a while.  

It's going to be a battle, but I'm looking for to it.  Maybe it'll drive me a little harder, too?

Although, let me say, when I look at myself, I don't see disgusting fat.  I'm still overweight, but I'm able to look and be grateful for my body.  It gave me four beautiful children...and a loving man too.  My body wasn't destroyed by pregnancy, it was transformed.  

BBW

I've had a break through in self love.  Yesterday, we went to the park, so I could take some photos for my Hearth Fox Oracle website, including the dreaded headshots!  I had planned the shots out and handed the camera to my husband who...wasn't that bad as a photographer.  Surprise, surprise!  There were a couple of shots that liked on the small screen of my DSLR, although I was a little disappointed that he chose to deviate from the plan of not photographing below my boob line. 

When I got home, I uploaded the photos into Lightroom and got to work.  Surprise, surprise I liked most of the photos, too!  Some were too dark or blown out, so I nixed them, then I came to this photo:

At first I wanted to slim myself down (I do know how to do that, although I don't offer that to my clients.  Only doing so for exercises and editing practice.).  I looked at the photo for a bit, then decided, "You know what?  Fuck it.  That's me.  Big Beautiful Woman!"

A major breakthrough. 

I've always said that I'm behind the camera for a reason, because I hated seeing myself in photos, much less anything like this--portraits of myself.  With the businesses, especially the photography one, revealing myself is kind of important, so the clients know what I look like, who to meet for sessions.

People see me anyway, on my best and worse days, why hide from the camera?

I'm kind of glad that he didn't follow my instructions.  For years I've been wanting to see myself through his eyes.  He loves all of me, not just breasts up.

This self love is a strange beast, ain't it?

I'm going to be taking out my Womanrunes and Affirmation deck regarding this new stage of my healing.

What do I need to know about my self love journey?
"Celebrate"
The Sisters - Friendship "with self is growing"
The Flame - Energy, Vitality.  Enthusiasm.  "Live"
The Crowned Heart - Compassion.  "Achievement"

Affirmation Deck:
I radiate beauty.  You exude divinity.  Know that always.

Breath & Body

So I started this new work out and energy work routine...I've been doing it for a week or so.  When I can get outside to my patio, I go barefoot to be connected--as long as the concrete isn't too hot--and with some water.  I work out in front of my Bee Goddess shrine.

I stretch up to Helios first, fingertips reaching for the heavens.  Then stretch my back, sides, shoulders, neck, hips/waist, legs and feet.  Then onto the work outs, which I mix them all up, or do different sets on different days (which really depends on my back).

1. 160 Calf Raises
2. 90 or so Squats, with and w/o a dumb bell
3. 1-5 minutes Egyptian Shimmy
4. 20 sec to 1 minute Shoulder Shimmy
5. 1 Minute Hip Tucks
6. 20 Chest Lifts
7. 40-60 Hips Lifts
8. 50-100 Arm Curls
9. 50-100 Overhead Extension
10. 50-100 Floor Press
11. 50 Bent Over Row
12. 20-60 Shoulder Press
13. 10-30 Lateral Raise

Once that's done, I do some breath work and I added two new affirmations--I am Enough and I Belong.  One of my friends did a card drawing for me last night (and others via live stream), and we both felt the energy with this message.  Brought some tears to my eyes, so new affirmation for sure!  These are my other affirmations:

• I am connected to the Good of the Universe.
• I am open to my Gods, Guardians, Guides, and Ancestors.
• I am worthy.
• I am beautiful.
• I am strong.
• I am a powerful Psychic (or witch, healer).
• I am a Vessel for the Gods.
• I am loved.
• I am not alone.

Now...

• I am enough.
• I belong.

 Today, I cleansed my shield and my barrier and strengthened them.  Thanking Spider at the top and Octopus at the bottom for their work.  

I did this all differently.  Normally, I'm just sitting down, visualizing, but lately, I've been standing and moving.  Breathing, really using my breath and body to move the energy.  Just going with some of the movements that Covid Bat showed me and instinct.  I probably look like a fool to others....unless they can see or sense energy....maybe.  Either way, energy's flowing!  As I work and practice, new movements are slowly coming to me.  It's been pretty cool.

Then I spread my Healing, Strength, Compassion, and Protection bubble over my neighborhood, them over myself and my home.  

I gave an energy ball to the Healers to give to those in need, as They see fit, as always.

I ground into either Gaia, Dionysus, Shiva, or Loki--whomever shows up and wants it.  Today it was Dionysus who wanted my excess energy.  

Nearly finished grounding, I was startled by the Amazon Prime guy who delivered The Essential Guide to Possession, Possession, & Divine Relationships.  Then I was chased off the patio by a wasp, which is a good thing, otherwise I might burn more.  Although the burn is turning into a tan.  Goals.  Still gotta be careful.  I got that Too Much gene.

I'm going to do some studying today, then prepare for the Flower Moon ritual with my virtual circle later tonight.

Have a good one, yall!

Reflect & Rise!

Since tis nearly the season of spring, I figured that I'd ask a Flora Goddess about planning and preparation, and Ariadne gave me two cards--Nettle and Samphire. Nettle was about learning from your past pains and letting them empower you. Showing you that you're stronger--give you strength for the future. Artist Kat Shaw's ...And Still I Rise Project came to mind. Then Ariadne told me told to "draw again" and I got Samphire--Adventure.

She could've very well had me draw cards that literally mean planning and preparation, but She went a different route. Healing the past, drawing strength from your pains, for a good future. "No mud, no lotus", one of my favorite healing mantras. From our mud and underworlds, with preparation and planning, we shall rise to greet the sky, beautiful and free!

I love that I drew this card, "You Were Born to Shine."

#KatShawArtist #MayaSoulArt #AndStillIRise #Ariadne #NoMudNoLotus #WyrdDivination #PerceptionCheck #HedgewitchsOracle

Woo!

Woohoo! Finally getting muscle definition in my legs and arms again. And new development, muscle definition in my upper back, too. I'm also up to 20 squats with no lower back pain. Progress! 

Also I went to eat another candy that I used to love--gummi worms--and it both smelled and tasted like playdoh, with a cherry after taste. I used to like the brand, too. Thankfully, not anymore. Another food that I will not be craving! Which is fine since some gummi makers also add gluten, which I shouldn't be eating anyway. <3