The other day, someone called me an inspiration in regards to a weightloss support group. It was surprising. When I write I hope to inspire some people--really to get their brain cogs moving and thinking and growing. Sharing progress in a weightloss group, I wasn't expecting that compliment.
I struggled for years with weight, like many do. Then in 2016, after fainting twice, I decided to get serious about my health. I started eating low carb and exercising. It was slow and difficult at first, but I kept at it. Remembering my goals and the whos. Who I was doing this for. Myself and my family. I began to dedicate certain things to the Gods on days that I wasn't feeling it. It was motivation having exercise be devotional work. Exercising with Them on my mind.
Over time, I began to work on my diet, slimming it down, avoiding foods that make me sick, learning that I have celiac disease. Learning that I thankfully
don't have diabetes!
When it was too cold to jog at the park, I created home routines.
When I wasn't able to escape home and the kids, I pushed harder at home.
When my normal routines got boring, I introduced dance. Zumba. Belly Dancing. Recently ballet.
Created workout regimes: Fat Burning, Muscle Building, Technique Perfecting.
On school days, I race my son to and from the bus stop. While waiting for his bus, morning/afternoon, I'm that weirdo who's moving, stretching, exercising, or dancing. Even in the cold. Normally, I wouldn't move, but movement warms up the muscles and chases away the cold! Might as well do something healthy and warming while you're waiting for 5-15 minutes, right?
A lot people claim that they don't have time to exercise and would rather be on their phones. You can make the time. 10-15 minutes a day. Take stairs, instead of the elevator. Jog instead of walking. I'll jog in my flats and a dress, as long as it's not slippery. Dance in the kitchen while you're cooking!
Make time. Put forth the effort.
On days when I'm not in the mood to exercise, I do try to at least stretch. Do a bit of yoga. Keep my muscles from stiffing up.
"You're an inspiration."
I'm just doing what's necessary. I want to be healthy and happy. Exercise and self love. Heal your mind, heal your body, heal your mind.
I realized something in this conversation the other day. I realized that growing up I was a little overweight, but I was never too fat to do anything. The adults in my life were were lazy. It was easier for them to say that I was fat and lazy than to help me try. I got a lot of that from my mom. She always fat shamed me...even thought I wasn't that fat. She'd shame, then overfeed with junk, then shame. It was constant. Shame. "Are you hungry?" Shame.
When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina. But I was always told that I was too fat and lazy, what this meant was that they didn't want to pay for/take me to classes. My brother was spoiled. They spent money on his sport interests. They were disappointed that I didn't want to go into basketball, as everyone urged. I had no interest in basketball. I wanted to be a dancer.
I was an active child. I spent my summers swimming and was outside hiking, exploring, riding my bike, running with my friends, and playing. I was an active child. Not slim. I had some rolls, but I was very active. Looking at my pictures, I wasn't fat.
Over time, their laziness and my naivety in believing them, ate at me. Lowered my self esteem, and made me "lazy". I had no faith in myself, because they never encouraged me.
I tried martial arts for a little bit, but it didn't stick. I wanted to dance.
"You're too fat."
Then I wanted to go into the air force, but learned that I was too tall.
I wanted to be a cop.
My family said that I was too lazy, despite that I worked hard to drop weight. Without encouragement, I lost faith and interest. Depression readjusted its grip on me.
Probably a good thing, as I wonder if I was just going into those fields because it was expected? Because I wanted family approval. In my family, if you weren't an athlete, in the military, or a cop, you didn't matter. You weren't worthy. I guess dance wasn't considered a sport. I retreated into art...and eventually lost faith in myself as an artist, too.
Now, it's a different story. I'm a different me. I have faith in myself as an artist, and as one, I have faith to start my own photography business: Fox Torch Photography.
I'm 34-years-old, 270lbs, and guess what? I'm dancing! Belly dancing. I've begun ballet, too. Eventually, when we can afford it, I'm going to take classes.
No one's going to tell me that I can't. That I'm too fat and too lazy. Even if they do, doesn't matter to me, because I know what I'm capable of. I know that behind their insults, they have a lot of healing to do. I am strong and I see that now. I love myself, too, and have the support of t/Those who matter.
